Kevin Costner solves Climate Change

Kevin Costner has done it folks! He has single handedly saved the world by building a miracle machine that converts GreenHouse Gases to puppies and cotten candy!

This comes after the announcement that BP has bought over 30 machines that Costner and his team developed to clean oil spills. This purchase was also approved by our government (House Commitee on Science). I am sold, aren’t you?

Since when has Kevin Costner ever made a bad investment? I mean he obviously has experience from ‘Waterworld’. O wait..that was a colossal bust and lost a lot of money. He’s just trying to do his patriotic duty like in the “Mailman’ O wait that was also a colossal bust. My point is that Kevin Cosner financed these two colossal busts in an industry where he has been successful, and now we are supposed to trust that these machines will do the job?
The machines work using a centrifuge. Which basically means it spins things REALLY fast to separate different substances based on physical properties such as density. I used to use centrifuges in biology labs and they are used everyday in biotech labs to extract DNA from cells. The technology is the same concept as if you were to put random sized things in a long tube sock and spun it around reallly fast for a long time. Eventually all the heavier stuff would shift to the bottom of the sock and the lighter stuff would be at the top creating layers.
This only works if you have everything tightly sealed in the sock and not all things in the sock are just heavy items.
Two things I am worried about with this machine. You need to put a massive amount of volume into the machine for it to work effectively. This would be brilliant if you could somehow fit the gulf of mexico into a test tube and spin it at ridiculously high RPMs for a long time, but I do not think the machine does that..

Secondly, how much energy do these machines use to clean up the oil disaster? Just like your dryer uses a lot of energy to dry clothes using rpms and heat. These machines will probably require a lot of diesel fueled torque engines which aren’t exactly environmentally friendly..

Anyways that’s my thoughts on the machine that I only read peripherally about.

Once again, a celebrity uses their fame, money, and power to affect world issues. I think celebs should speak out and make people aware of causes but please do not take an activist role in meddling with things you may not be a top expert on. Take the case of Jenny McCarthy and her crusade on Vaccinations. Read up on this if you have not heard of her anti vaccination cause. She is putting masses of children at risk for highly contagious diseases that should have been erradicated.

If I were famous my campaign would be to “listen to the experts and not to celebrities who takes an interest in a cause. ”

I think BP really bought the machines as a publicity and image ploy and what the hell do congressman on a committee know if they too are not specific experts in the particular science.

But who knows, maybe Costner can save the world. He probably had a dream where James Earl Jones whispered in his ear, “If you build it, BP will come.”

My Solution to the Homeless Problem (sorta)

Move over Gavin Newsome. Suck it Mayor Bloomberg. I have solved the homeless problem.

No this is not some fancy scheme that involves communes and co-ops or other hippy ideas, and no, we are not going to call in the Orkin man and have them exterminated as much as Vinhboy would advocate for that. In fact, this only addresses MY problem with the homeless, and not a wide scale solution by any means. I hope this idea spreads, and if it does it might actually make an impact. So here it is..

I would say on average I come across 1.33 homeless persons a day in San Francisco. I would say 1 out of every 5 times I would give them something. I have given leftovers after leaving a restaurant (which I most of the time regret because I love eating leftovers from restaurants). I have bought a fast food meal and brought it back to the person which was frankly more leg work and money than I expected it to be. i have had my fries rejected by people, and the worse was when I gave this guy all the change in my pocket and he threw it back at me while I was walkign away. It turned out to be only about 19 cents because most of it was nickels and pennies. I think he became angry because he wasted his time counting out what I gave him. The times I don’t do anything I feel guilty about relatively how much I have and why I did not spare anything.

There are two responses to this guilt pang:

  1. “They’re only going to use that money for crack (which is probably true).
  2. Yes, they will use that money for crack but their life is so crappy why couldn’t you help them obtain momentary bliss by helping them buy some crack?

Either way give or not give you are not really helping them out and all the smart types(intellectual assholes) will tell you that you are actually harming them by giving them change, or your conscience will annoy you. The ultimate solution is fruit. I now give fruit to people who ask for change. This is my rationale:

  1. It’s healthy nutritious food and you are actually nourishing the recipient (fast food is almost as bad for their health as giving them a few cents for crack..although they probably could use the calories..)
  2. It’s cheaper than crack/fast food. You can buy a single serving of fruit for uner a dollar.
  3. Most fruit is portable.
  4. There’s only one fruit to count.
  5. If they don’t want it you can be 1000% sure that they are a crack head.No asshole is going to tell you, “You really shouldn’t have given that guy fruit”

So now I keep a fruit handy just in case. Today while walking to the metro after work, a crack head came up to me and asked for change “to get something to eat”. Most crack heads are really polite when they ask. If only all society could be as nice as crackheads asking for change.. Anywhoo..I whipped out the apple I had in my pocket and offered it to him. He said he did not eat apples.. little comedic pause followed after he said that because he now knew I Aknew he was lying. I asked if he could give it to someone who might want it. He said sure, and I was happily on my way after meeting my new friend, Johnny AppleCrackee.

So join my quest folks..Open your heart..spare a pear..Give a grape..Bring a banana..make fruit the new crack.

~p