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I wasn’t supposed to ever feel this way again. I wasn’t supposed to ever be back here again. Have you ever opened your eyes, but the only things you see is the pounding of your chest? Time for beer? No, not today, I dont even think the fury of alcohol can quench this burning. Now I think about it, alcohol is more for sustaining good times than it is for incinerating bad ones. I am not supposed to be here right now. No, not ever again. No. Not today, not tommorow, never. Never.

More brain juice

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I think its time I seriously look into going to grad school. I want to at least get a master’s if not a PhD. I just finished looking at the ucdavis school of ecology, and it looks like they are number one! Dang, me getting into UC Davis ecology group is like me trying to get into Berkeley when I was in high school, or getting into UCSF if I wanted to be a med student. Although its an impossible dream, I won’t put it aside just yet. I have a lot of great experience and my communication skills are better than average so I want to give this a shot before I completely give up. Some of my other realistic options include Sonoma State or UC Santa Cruz. I haven’t looked into other schools, but I am sure there will be more, and I will be looking at those options as well.
I think its sad that in the ecology field in general, there is a very low representation of minority students. There are a couple of asians, hardly any latinos, and no blacks. I think its something that goes way back to a person’s education starting as a child. I have noticed in my ecology classes, that all the white kids know ALOT more about plants, animals, and everything about the environment more than any races. Minority students like myself cannot keep up with the knowledge those white kids have about ecology because we simply do not get the same amount of exposure they get from their everyday life. For example, I can’t remember ONE time when I talked to my asian friends about any topic relating to environmental conversation, heck, I can’t even remember anytime when we talked about recycling cans and paper. But everytime I bring up any topic regarding plants, animals, or the environment in general with my white friends, they seems to have a myriad of information. Most of the time, they make me feel stupid because I don’t know shit.
I am not saying that white people are being racist or anything. I am just saying that as minorities we are not exposed to environmental issues as much as white people. In conclusion, I hope that in the future, with a higher education in ecology, I can help bring the topic of ecology into the lives of asians and other minorities around the world. Blah, I am making this short because I am hungry and gotta go eat. Bye.

over the rainbow

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Damnit, I’ve been neglecting my blog. No time to write in it anymore. Uyen you are taking all my time! Haha. ok ok, I admit, I enjoy it :).
Falling/being in love is a wierd state of being. In one hand you try to be the most affection and loving mate that you can be, but then you also have to remember that you have friends/work/obligations outside of that, that you cannot forget. People call it juggling, but its not juggling to be. Juggling means at some point you are letting one thing float in the air while you are handling something else, but in this case, I dont want anything to float on the air. Everything in my life is precious to me, so I do not dare risk letting it float around. So no, its not juggling, its more like walking a tight rope, you have to focus, or else you’ll loose your balance and end up on the floor.

beach at night

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That’s what the beach kinda looks like at 4 in the morning. All you can really see is the white of crashing waves moving ashore…
I am not sure how much I want to reveal here, but there is going to be a lot of changes in my life starting today. Its finally time to put away the sad faces: :-( and see what the future awaits :?: . Hopefully it will be boundful of smiles: :D and great laughs: :lol: . But who knows what is instore for the future, all I really know now is that I am pretty happy: :P .
Its strange to think that having a wish granted, and getting exactly what you were hoping for, could be such a scary experience :? . It makes me second guess the reality of everything and makes me wonder if i’ve fallen into a deep coma and cannot wake up from a fantastic dream. :wink: